Fewer things than we realize.

I’m a wife and a “dog mom.”

When it comes to hobbies, people are largely my pastime. I’m introverted, but care a lot about others.

I  tell loved ones how much I value them–often. I love stationery, stickers, and can never have too many postage stamps.

There will always be more to learn.

In relationships, we can’t predict who will become a dear friend. For example, I have been surprised by two particular relationships in my life:

I was 21 when I grew very close to a woman who was old enough to be my mom. Throughout my twenties, I spent countless hours with her at her dinner table and curled up on her couch. I’m now older than she was when we met. She lives about a mile away and remains a trusted confidant and dear friend.

I was approaching midlife when I met someone new and instantly felt drawn to her. However, I immediately discounted her as a viable friend because she worked outside the home and had seven children as part of a blended family. Even so, she made an effort to forge a relationship. Our friendship mattered, even in the mix of her busy schedule and many responsibilities. She remains dear to me today.

It’s imperative.

I met and married my husband later in life (weeks shy of turning 36). After fostering teenagers for a few years, we remained “childfree.” I felt very out-of-place because my season of life did not seem to sync with the majority of other women which left me feeling lonely.

Making friends through a shared season of life feels more plausible to me now, a decade later.  Women my age have older children or are empty-nesters, and we are bonding through the “change of life.”  I find the openness and vulnerability of women in this season to be refreshing.

One book I’ve particularly appreciated in this midlife season is A Year by the Sea. I’ve shared it with many women and created discussion questions  (appropriate for women even if they haven’t read the book). I encourage women to journal about these questions and share their hearts aloud with at least one female friend (or friend-in-the-making).

A short list.

Chocolate. Or a chocolate chip cookie. A hot cup of coffee upon waking. A glass of wine (red). A good book (non-fiction). Lounging at home (in sweatpants). A leisurely walk (on a not-excessively-hot day). Spending time with kind people over a homemade meal.  People notice I ask lots of questions. I like to get to the heart of individuals.

I’ve been there.

Happy or sad, I believe we shouldn’t feel alone in whatever we face.

45% of [ individuals in a given study] reveal they would go out of their way to make new friends if they knew how…

I was one of those people. I’ve now expanded my friendshis through deliberate and repeated efforts, but knowing how to find potential friends was certainly an obstacle.

TheTableRDU is a tool and I’m pleased with its inception. But no matter the means, I’ve learned that individuals must take actionable steps (investing time, energy and their physical presence) to know the hope and reality of connection.

I can think of a few.

When someone drives discourteously.

When someone consistently talks a lot more than listens.

When a big dog jumps on you or smells you where it shouldn’t.